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Of Honesty and Integrity and All That Matters...or Does it??

So this is a post which will probably go unread by everyone except me and my SO, but it doesn't matter. Let this be just something I am throwing out at the universe. This dilemma is something I have been wanting to share with the "Universe" for a long time, so here goes...

Honesty, integrity, kindness and goodness were some of the most used words when I was growing up. It didn't matter so much how many marks I got or how well I did in school, as it meant to stick to the right side of the proverbial road. But, as I grew up, I saw its not all black and white. The line blurred between the two regions during my adolescence, and by the time I started working, there was a considerable gap that was grey. 

Again I feel the widening of that gap, the grey shades continue to grow and confound me. What is wrong and right? Do small wrongs not matter? How small is the wrong doing to be passed as acceptable. It is human to err, or so has been taught, but how much of an error is permissible and who defines it?

What triggered this whole barrage of doubts is something which doesn't even bother the majority. After all how does it really matter if you copy an answer or two in an exam, or lie about something as trivial as attendance in the larger scheme of things. However, it does matter to me. Such small errors for me are small sanctions to myself to play with the grey area. And I can't really say how much grey lies between the two chromes? I can't let myself venture towards the darkness, at least because of the commitment I have made to myself regarding work and life. To be able to say I see myself as a change, it is imperative I remain in the white side. But again, I keep going back to doubting myself, thinking is it too harsh for me to judge small follies as such so grave to give a feeling of helplessness. I don't know if it is right for me to take a strong stand on such trivial matters, and make enemies or wait and pick fights for issues that really matter.

It all boils down to one thing that paralyses me with fear when I think of dabbling in the grey area...How do I know I have ventured into the dark from the grey??

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